Michelle Gonzalez's Story

What were the steps leading up to your diagnosis?

I'm not exactly sure what my mother noticed with me, but when I was 15 she noticed I wasn't myself anymore. I was cutting my left wrist sometimes but I was never sure why. My mother saved me by taking me to a psychiatrist, who diagnosed me.

When I was 16 I got caught cutting at school and was taken to the hospital. My mother was always there to save me. I started having meaningless sex, which became normal to me until I found my husband. But I disrespected my body so much that school was a nightmare. I would skip classes because some people would call me horrible names and they would whisper lies about me, like, "Did you hear she slept with the whole football team?" Never did that.

Also at 16 I had a guy in my life who treated me horribly he used me a lot. When I was almost 18 I finally had enough and left.

My 18th year got a lot better and I wanted a real relationship the first time in my life! A few months after my second semester of college I found the love of my life, and he is still with me after six wonderful years of marriage! I was a horrible wife for the first two and a half years but I’ve got this wife thing down now. It has been hard, especially with never having a healthy relationship before, but he has stayed with me though some crazy moments.

Who has been there for you? How?

My husband has been though a lot because of me. I put him though hell for years, and I'm grateful he’s still by my side after six years. My parents are have always been there for me and are amazing. My daughter always tries to cheer me up when I'm in the depressed state and shows me so much love.

What lifestyle changes have you needed to make?

The first thing I had to do was realize I wasn't helping myself — I was hurting myself everyday. For years I was addicted to meth and smoking instead of seeing a doctor. I know I was making myself so much worse with the meth, and I’m sober now. My husband and I don't have the horrible fights we used to have in front of our daughter, who is now 4 1/2 years old. Now I regularly see my doctor and I'm taking my meds. We haven't been doing this long, not even a year yet, but I can see the difference when I take my pills.

What accomplishment are you proud of?

I’m definitely proud of finding a meaningful relationship. I'm also proud I quit smoking meth and realized I need medicine to help me — I can't do it alone.

What's your advice to someone else living with Bipolar?

Don't hide from it. You can't make it go away so embrace it. I'm not fully there yet but I'm getting healthy. If my lazy butt can do it, anyone can. You have a whole network of people to help you! Find a meaningful relationship and love your life. God loves all of us and we are all broken people!