I have noticed that most days, I love getting up and going to work. I do good work. I am well respected in my field and I really have a lot of energy to get the job done. I get assigned good projects. People trust that I will get the job done. I take great pride in that.... and then,... depression... the "crash", as I call it. One day, I am up at 5am getting my day started and often get to work early, the next, I lay there, dreading the sun's rising. My blanket feels to be about 500 pounds. My chest is empty, yet it hurts. My stomach is in knots. I am afraid to leave my home, afraid to even hear my bosses voice on the phone if I call in,... so I text the boss and lay there, feeling guilty, worrying if this is the call-in that will get me fired. The people that counted on me and trusted on me are having to take on the projects that I was so excited to complete... and I feel more guilt and anxiety. When this episode begins to subside, I wake up at the last minute and drive to work, afraid to face anyone and dreading the arrival of the boss and the inevitable "talk". I go through the motions and try to get as much done as possible before getting called into the bosses office. My heart sinks when he finally comes in and says, "Can I see you in the office for a minute". I get another chance but no more call-ins. I feel OK so it seems like I can do it. BUT... what happens when the "crash" happens again?
Have you ever experienced the same thing? I am still exploring how I will deal with the next time, as I know it will come. I am collecting ideas and would welcome yours. I have an accountability phone call that a good friend gives me in the mornings and that friend will encourage me if I am tempted to just give up and call-in. I am eating right and keeping my mood chart and my journal. I have joined this site and am excited about the resources. I will be sharing any good ideas I receive here in this discussion, but again, I do welcome yours as well.